Well, I'm heading out of town tomorrow for a week (yipee for Teen Camp!) and won't have any computer access...so to keep with my regular blogging goal, I thought it be best to post something today.

I'm trying to filter my thoughts to find something bloggable. My thoughts range from hope and hopelessness to family and the spirit of adoption to victory and discouragement. All too much to break down it seems.

But let me tell you where I'm at. I'm completely hopeless with my eyes set ahead. I am discouraged by almost everything I see and hear yet my eyes are set on things above. I am feeling alone and defeated, but I am a child of the King and surrounded by a family so deep. So all in all, things are great.

It's really easy to look at the moment, well because it is happening now and let's face it a lot of it sucks (I speak personally here, but I Praise God if this is not so in your life). It's so easy to get caught up in the nitty gritty of things and to get discouraged by it all. I have to challenge myself all the time (I was going to write daily, but to be honest, it is much more of a minutely thing) to take my eyes off of myself and off of the world around me and gaze into the face of Christ. This classic song "Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace" says it best.

So practically, how do we do it? How do we not get discouraged when your family members get really sick or when your friends are dying in their addiction or when your neighbourhood is full of oppression and death or when your closest buddy won't turn from their sin, or when it seems like you just can't do anything right or please everyone no matter how hard you try? The simple answer is to worship. To fall facedown in His presence and relent everything. I'm not talking about singing pretty songs or playing nice instruments (although in my experience those times have been some of the sweetest times), I'm talking about plain and simple worship. Worship that looks like honoring the Lord with your actions and thoughts. Worship that looks like abandoning idols. Worship that looks like not denying the Holy Ghost. Worship that looks like encouraging your brothers and sisters. Worship that looks like proclaiming the name of Yahweh, King of Kings and Lord of Lords, the Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace, the Alpha and Omega, the Wonderful Counsellor, the Beautiful Saviour.

Because it is when we worship, that it is when we forget about ourselves and those problems that seem to take over our minds. When we worship, our discouragement and fears fade away. Worship is the most unselfish thing one can do. Surely you can't possibly be thinking about your problems or those of your friends when you are facedown in the presence of the King.

So next time you are thinking too much about the moment, too much about those little (and sometimes big) things that get you or the next time you seem to be caught up in that nasty sin again, I exhort you to worship and set your eyes on things above. I exhort you to pick up the Bible and read aloud some scripture. I exhort you to pick up a guitar or tickle the ivory's. I exhort you to sing a new song. I exhort you with all that is in me to worship our Father with all that is in you.

May you find peace as you worship.

More on Open-Theism:
The more I think about this, the more I am convinced that prayer changes things. The more I think about this, the more I am convinced that God is sovereign, that won't change. I still struggle to see how the two line up, but in the end do they not co-exist?

A friend of mine emailed me upon my last post, and a notable mark was,
"Does this mean He is not sovereign?
Not necessarily. I believe that God is sovereign - so sovereign, in fact, that He can limit his sovereignty, when required, to allow for humans' free will."
I have no concrete thoughts on the above, but something to think about and discuss.

Another friend of mine patented: "You can't earn God's love, but you can earn His trust".
On that, there is nothing you can do to make God love you more or less, simple, Biblical, overwhelmingly graceful and uncomprehendable, but true. However, I am convinced that through discipline, obedience, faithfulness and covenant God then trusts us more and more. I think this is where I relate to the idea of open-theism. That God's sovereignty allows Him to trust us, and in this case, to trust us in our prayer. And by trusting our prayers, things begin moving and shaking.

Here's a quote from Foster's book, Celebration of Discipline:
"The Bible speaks so forcefully about the openness of our universe that it speaks of God constantly changing His mind in accordance with His unchanging love."
(so far just a quote, I haven't dived enough into that thought to put my opinion beside it)

John Wesley stated that: “God does nothing except in answer to prayer.” (which Creation in itself might trump that, but it is John Wesley who said it...)

Of course, it is well within God’s power to do anything He wishes, at any time He wishes, in any way He wishes. Yet, He often chooses to accomplish His will and purpose through us. People often ask in dire situations, 'Where is God', but sometimes the more appropriate answer might be 'Where is God's people'.

I know that prayer is not manipulation, and hope I am not suggesting that but I would suggest it is partnership. And I'd also suggest that if we want to see God's blessings upon others (and ourselves) to increase, our prayers must increase. That said, I often fall short of that. I often get hopeless and not pray. I look out my window and see the dreadful effect of addiction and poverty. I see people I love dearly fall in and out of the same sin. I experience depression and self hatred frequently and stew in hopelessness...and in all that, I am convinced if I increased my prayers I would then see my neighbourhood dancing for joy, I would see dear friends liberated and I would be fully free.

Open-Theism, has also been described to me as God playing chess with us. That He is always one move up on us. That He will always win the game - but each individual move is new to Him. I think I might agree with that. (though that said, I do agree with the Psalmist who says, that He knows my every thought, my every move, my rising and my sleeping, my standing up and my sitting down, and with Jeremiah who says, that before I was formed in my mother's womb, He knew me)

Does this mean I'm an open-theist? I believe that prayer changes things. I believe that God listens to me. And I certainly believe that God is all knowing and sovereign. And if so, does that mean I'm a heretic?

2 Chronicles 7:14
If my people, who are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

At a birthday brunch this past weekend a couple friends and I decided what a great idea it was to make goals for the year. I now have 24 goals to complete by next June. One of my goals (although not an original, for it only became a goal 2 minutes ago) is to blog regularly.

The thing about goals is that it is automatic accountability, if you share them that is. I like the motivation and competition behind it. They have been written on paper, shared with friends and there's no turning back. I'm not going to write my goals out, I'm just sharing that I am going to attempt a more regular blog.

Today is the first attempt of such.

I have been having a few conversations lately on open-theism. Please excuse my ignorance, but my best attempt to explain it is that it is a spectrum. On one side you've got open-theism, which is the belief that your fasting and prayers change God's mind, that the amount of heart, time and discipline of a prayer determines the outcome. Where as the complete opposite side of the spectrum, let's call it closed-theism, more for laughs then reality, is God is sovereign and in control of all and there is no amount of prayer or fasting one can do to change anything for He alone is God.

Both sides scare me.
Side A, can result in self-righteousness and playing God. If we believe that God is Creator, Governor and Preserver of all things, then I don't know how we can even for a second think that us, mere mortals, can do or make anything happen or not happen.
Side Z, can result in a really apathetic and undisciplined lifestyle and a prayer life that is dead - and really wonder in this case, what is the point of praying.

Though, if given only those two extremes, I think I would tend to lean far more towards open-theism then anything.

I guess balance is really key here. To know that God is sovereign but to believe that prayer is necessary for world changing results.

This has all got me thinking about prayer, and thinking about how I have experienced prayer. There was a time in my life when I was a disciplined list prayer. I would get my prayer list out everyday - pray for people by name and for specific situations. When I think about those days, or read journals from those days I really see where God has answered prayer. And I wonder if my fasting and praying did something to make that happen, is it why God did what I asked him to, or, here's the kicker, was it simply that because of the discipline and intensity, were my eyes open to it more.

I don't know. I still think it is better to think like an open-theist then a 'closed'-theist, but I don't see how it lines up doctrinally. Can you be an open-theist, yet still honor God in fullness as Creator, Governor, and Preserver of all things?

On a lighter note, saw my second Coldplay show last night, which actually has me in thought about worship...stay tuned.

You'll want to check out 100 Huntley Street, Tuesday 6AM (BC Time) Major Winn Blackman is on talking about Human Traffiking.

Today marks my 500th post.
Today is also one of my greatest friend's birthdays...Tasha Chooi.
It is a bit of a longer read, but it is worth it, I assure you.
Plus there's a video I want you to watch at the end.

When I get hopeless, I remind myself of people like Tasha, and I find hope.

I met Tasha when she was like 12, but we began our friendship about three years after that. After a messy breakup and moving out on her own, Tash was left hurting and broken. I won't put out details, but I'm sure if you asked she would love to tell you her testimony. When I moved to Victoria I met a very sweet and fun girl, but I also met someone who had been damaged. We became friends right away and I cannot explain in words the love I have for her. I was in Victoria for my summer assignment with The War College (see http://www.thewarcollege.com/) and moved back to Vancouver. The plan wasn't to come back to Victoria, but 9 months later there I was. I came back to a Tasha who had given up. Who was hurting so bad you could see it all over her. She tried to put a smile on, and looked beautiful doing it, but if you knew Tash, you knew she was hurting. Over the next few months I saw Tasha fall hard. She kept falling and falling and I kept loving her and loving her. At times I thought she was going to die, and I would cry out to the Lord to rescue her, but it seemed the more I did that the further she went. Addictions began to rule her life, and I joined in with the Father weeping bitterly for her return. Six months later, after an attempt to reunite with her dad failed, she found herself homeless and more broken then ever. This is when she moved in with me. Those were some of the best days of my life, and some of the hardest and most trying too. Our friendship was on the rocks. Addiction, lying and rebellion were Tasha's masters. It hurt so bad watching the enemy grab her, and hold her and lure her away. Things got pretty bad and we had to ask her to leave. I still don't know if this was for the best. I thought our friendship was over for sure and it grieved me so much. That lasted a week.

No matter how much I prayed, how much people tried to help her, she was so entangled in the enemy's lies and schemes, I honestly lost all hope she would ever return to Christ. I wrote a song for Tasha. It is based on the parable of the Prodigal Son. Maybe I'll even record it and post it as a gift for Tash, for now check out the lyrics.

She was with him, and asked may I go.
He said yes, but take my blessing with you.
So off she went on her own and treated his gift like dirt.
Now she is out there lost and is so hurt.

The Father says, I'll welcome you, so come to me.

She is so far away so far away is she.
She is so far away so far away.

The Father says, I welcome you, come to me.

He sees her in the distance and begins to prepare.
He gets out his finest wine and sets her place.
He puts on his finest robe and he waits.

The Father says, I welcome you, so come to me.

As she approaches he runs to her.
He wraps his arms around her neck and his tears wet her hair.

The Father says, I've welcomed you, please stay with me.

When I wrote this song, Tasha was in the second verse. Hurt, lost, alone, scared and so far away. The final verses were sung prophetically for her. (I don't want to give away the punch line of this post, but I think it's safe to assume it has a happy ending. I now rejoice that Tasha's life more reflects the last verse of the above song.)

Around this time I hit a pretty hard rock bottom in my life. Long story short (and I don't want to take Tasha's thunder away either) things got pretty bad for me that I had to quit my job and move back to surround myself with community.

July 1st 2007 marks the day I moved. Praise God it doesn't mark the day Tasha and I stopped being friends. I still consider Tasha one of my closest friends and I am blessed beyond measure in that. The next year and a half Tasha went through many more trials. More messy relationships, more moving, more rejection. I longed to be with Tasha holding her close, but distance separated us this time.

Like I said, I had lost a lot of hope in Tasha returning to Christ. I don't mean that to sound terrible. The entire time I still loved Tasha, I still prayed for her, I still trusted the Lord to save her but I couldn't see it.

Yet now, Tasha continues to surprise me with her ever increasing wisdom and ever increasing faith. She has abandoned many idols in her life. She is running forward into the arms of Christ. Now when I talk to her she always talks about how good God has been to her, how she is getting freer daily. She is being discipled by fabulous people. She is Highpoint Corps music directer. Tasha brings me great joy and great hope. When days look bad, and when I see people I love fall down over and over, I remind myself of people like Tasha and my hope is restored.

Tasha writes for the Highpoint blog, http://www.pointful.ca/, every Friday. This is her most resent post - and I encourage you to read it as it highlights her testimony a bit and has a pretty encouraging bio at the bottom.

Just in case you don't read it, but I encourage you to, I've attached a video to my blog as she has on hers. It is the gospel in choreodrama form. It brings me to tears every time I watch it...which is a pretty frequent thing for me these days, because I frequent Tasha's blog. This is a very long blog as it is, so I'm not going to preach or whatever about the clip, I'll do that in a couple days. But please watch it. And please, please, please, if you identify yourself with Tasha's story or the girl in the video keep running to Christ. Keep pressing you in. He is longing for you to come home.




Happy Birthday Tasha!

16 days without blogging, surely I can do better then that.
I was out of town for five of them, no excuse really, more of a segway into this blog.

Those five days I spent in Minneapolis Minnesota with a crowd from 24-7 Prayer. Check 'em out at http://www.24-7prayer.com/, and be sure to hit the 'communities' section and then scroll down to 'Vancouver 614'. But don't neglect the rest either - good site, good guys.

I didn't really know why I was going to this 24-7 gathering, or what would happen. I got asked, and I like travelling and networking and Aaron, so I went. It was really good, but if asked why it was so good, I don't know if I could give a concrete answer.

Hear me out as I process the week.

The first couple days I got to sit in on an international leaders meeting where I guess some of the logistics and operations of 24-7 happened. It was great to sit in and kinda get a sneak peek at it all, and see how it runs a little more clearly. If you're Salvo affiliated, I suppose it would be like a 24-7 rep sitting in on a DHQ meeting, where you don't necessarily know what is meant by the militant terms or structure system, but by sitting in you get a bit more informed. We talked about some really cool things - and as soon as some get ironed out a bit I'll blog about that. In the meantime go back to the 24-7 website above and click on the 'learning' link and read about Transit.

The next few days were the International Communities Gathering. This is where people from most (if not all) the North American Boiler Rooms came together. Here, we prayed a lot, surprise. They were split into 2-3 hour sessions given a topic or scripture and prayed. The first one we read chunks of Scripture from John 14 through to 16 and prayed. So it was basically a 3 hour Pray the Bible for those of you familiar with the context here. The next one was about a lot actually, I don't want to define it, but the Spirit of Adoption and how as Community we can adopt people in, and not just in theory but in family. That was my favourite one - it's close to my heart. Then on the last day we spent solid time praying and laying on hands for each Boiler Room Community - really good stuff.

And of course in all of that there were fires on roofs, tattoos, really hot weather, meals on blankets, and a wackload of great people.

Coming back to the original question I keep asking myself, why so great? Perhaps it was something new and fresh. Something that made things like unity and covering and fitting in a bit more real. Or something that made me feel special. I'm not sure. But it was really really good. People I've never met before were so great, I sure hope people react to us as a community the same way. To come visit people they've never met, and going back refreshed and loved. Hey why not come visit us and let us know!

I do have something profound to say, I know it. I just left my journal at home that has all I want to write about. In the meantime let's talk about politics and study.

We have a Provincial Election on Tuesday. I'm going to vote- I'm just still torn on who to vote for. There was an add in the Newspaper today claiming the NDPs were going to jack up the price of alcohol. The add was supposed to deter you away from voting NDP, but it had the opposite effect for me...though torn I still am.

Neither of the two parties I am debating between have exactly what I would want in a government. I've got to examine, pray and decide after I've weighed the cost. But I'll take your opinion into consideration also.

If I vote one way I'll see poverty decline and an end to war, yet I'll also see same sex marriage and drug legalisation.

If I vote the other way I'll see less firearms, higher age of consent and pro(er) life morals, yet I'll also see the rich get richer and the poor get poorer and more war.

(assuming of coarse my vote votes the Premier in)

So study... I'm thinking of going to school.
Law stuff maybe?
But why?
Why not?

and because I said April's goal was 7 posts.
Here we are at post number 7
:)

Because I said my next blog would be sweet stories from The War Room.
Here it goes.
I fell in love in The War Room. Over and over and over again, I fall in love with Christ. The way he greets me, the way he holds me, the way he whispers to me. That's the sweetest it gets. Can't get much sweeter.

Some other great things have happened in TWR. It's where I fell in love with Leighanne. Leighanne has been a dear friend to us here in the DTES from the very beginning. One of those old faithfuls you never expect will leave, and she hasn't let us down yet. One time I was in TWR, not too long ago actually, she came up and flatly said I want to go on the next journey. Because she has been down here forever I was actually surprised to hear she had never gone on the journey - a spiritual getaway for Women of the DTES. That night we talked and prayed in TWR and I fell in love with her.

I remember my first day walking into the War Room. The sweetness and presence of God was thick and beautiful.

The War Room has taught me discipline and accountability.
I have met with the Lord over and over and over again and have been blessed and healed and set free over and over and over again.

Detailed stories will come later - first It'll be nice if you can leave a comment with your favourite War Room Stories.

I know I said April post #5 would be on The War Room...but I was reading this in the paper this morning - and wanted to post it, as I beleive it to be important. I'll write about TWR next, I assure you.
---
Insite's appeal goes to court today.
A year ago, InSite was given a one year extension on their application to remain open. That year is up on 30 June. Today they go to court to appeal the federal government's decision in hopes of remaining open.

I know InSite and the idea of a "safe" injection site is controversial, and I'm not telling you to pick one side or the other, but I am urging us all to be in prayer. Pray for the Father's heart. Pray for those in/near our neighbourhoods and workplaces who are trapped in addiction. The courts decision will effect our workplaces, friends and neighbours. It will effect the homelessness rate and the death rates. Please pray.

If you're up for it, fast and pray for the courts to deny InSite's proposal to remain open

InSite is the only supervised injection site in North America.
InSite opened in 2003, since then it has seen over 1, 000, 000, 000 injections.
There have been 2395 overdoses.
Please pray.

There is a community garden here in the DTES we help run. If I had a photo of it, I would post it with this blog, but since I don't I will describe the scene to you until I find one.

On Hastings Street, between Main and Columbia lies this patch of beauty in the midst of horror. Main and Hastings is known notoriously. Locals call this intersection Pain and Wastings and are quite accurate in doing so. The drug rates and disease rates are climbing high, fast. Poverty and addiction have taken over these streets. People are dying down here everyday. Garbage, including used needles and condoms, complete the decor of the DTES.

Next door to InSite, our local needle exchange and "safe" injection site where people walk into death daily, lies a beautiful garden full of life and beauty. This is our community garden. You walk down Hastings and see constant death but then as your eyes meet with this garden you are then instantly reminded of hope and life and beauty. I can't describe to you the beauty of it - but it is nicely juxtaposed surrounded by such despair.

Not only is it a source of hope to the eye - it is also quite practical. Part of the whole poverty thing leaves a lot of our neighbours hungry and/or malnourished, but with a garden full of vegetables that hunger can be satisfied.

It actually took me a while to dig the garden (no pun intended). I had no interest in it, and thought it was almost pathetic that others were so into it. I wouldn't be vocal with that opinion and would show up to garden when I could- but thought it was a waste of time, and valuable space too. I found it a waste of time because I could think of a million things that seems more important and practical then gardening. This opinion of mine lasted for months.

It wasn't until I was in there one day and I saw the growth. There were pea's growing and ready to eat. I picked one up, and it wasn't until I ate it that I was able to see that this was good. Taste and see that the Lord is good. It was then I realised how a beautiful presence is important and not a waste of time. I realised then that our hungry friends and neighbours could have access to free, nutritious food. I realised that spending time in the garden also brought us many new friends as people would come in to see whats going on. I also began to understand all the kingdom parallels this garden could teach us.

So now, my opinion has completely flipped regarding this garden. It's beautiful and our neighbours are genuinely happy it is here, mostly because of the beauty it brings to the DTES.